I'm addicted to this universal feeling called life.

Testing

In an hour I'm going to the gym to see a trainer for a sort of check-up. I don't know if I'll be weighed etc. but I think so, most of all I'm going to get help develop a weight lifting routine.

My goals are a fat percentage of 20% and enough muscle to look like I work out. I don't care much about my weight in kgs.

A minor slip-up later

On day 2, I fell off a horse. I hit my tailbone so I haven't been able to exercise and yesterday and the day before I slipped up on the diet as well.

New day one today. Gym tomorrow with a coach so that'll be motivating.

New debut at the gym

I'd hardly even entered the "mens section" (the one with all the weights and muscly men) at the gym, before a trainer, who was actually busy lifting weights for himself, came over and started helping me out. After him asking me why I did triceps before chest I had to admit that I didn't have a plan. So he's helping me out next Thursday. I don't know if it'll be like a check up with weighing and measuring, but we're at least making a plan.
He's so cool. I think this is gonna be great.

Here are some pictures of Jamie Eason:

She's a body builder turned fitness model and she has such a wonderful body!

Don't call it a comeback, we've been at it for years.

Hello again, I'm not dead, I just took a four week break from eating healthy and exercising. I'm getting back into it now though! Tomorrow is day one.

Do what you have to do to be who you want to be

Skinny girls look good in clothes..

 But Fit girls look good naked ;)

The quality of every calorie counts

If it tastes good, spit it out!
Unless you're sure it doesn't have artificial flavors, artificial colorings, fast carbs, bad fats...

Avoid them All The Time. Otherwise you'll dull your taste buds and develop a taste for these foods.

Moderation is not an option.

Things like chips, salty crackers, ice cream, etc. have been created to taste so good that you'll eat the whole packet at once. It's not really your fault, it's science. The best thing is to just avoid them like the plague and eventually you won't even want them anymore.

Eating is a habit! You need to make it natural to say no to these foods. Just say no before you have a chance to think about it!

Video time =)

I love what he says.

"If you don't know the nutritional value of every single thing that goes into your mouth, you're gonna fail at fitness".

He does overdo it on the protein powder though.

Keep fighting

A foods appeal lies in its flavor, texture, aroma and presentation. Change only one of these, and your appetite changes as well. 

Lapse

My weight went up again (I deserved it). 1.2 kg left to the same part goal.

Sexy and I know it (I work out)

The only time I'm ever really happy with my body is when I look at myself in the full body mirrors are the gym.

A day without a workout is a day without meaning. 

Bad days make for great workouts.

Five things to losing weight: 

1. Drink water

2. Eat regularly

3. Portion control

4. Exercise

and most importantly

5. CONSISTENCY 

A third of who I am walks home, because one third is crushed and one third is yours

What do you want? How badly do you want it?

<She's so pretty.

Her legs! Her ass! <3

so I can look perfect next to you

I don't care what it takes
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul/So I can look perfect next to you

Radiohead altered the text once at a live performance...

My ED is my best friend

I'm just so sick of being alone in this. 

I have the same sort of connection to losing weight as normal people might have to a close friend. It's the only thing I think about and what I fall back on when going gets tough. 

I want to completely designate myself to my ED. I want to embrace every little trace of it and I want it to complete me. I'm in love with the idea of a better me. 

There's nothing really standing in my way other than my own anxiety and doubt. 

I just have to trust her. Hold onto her and believe in her power to make everything better, because she can make me better. 

I never wanted to be one of those people who spoke of my eating disorder as a person... 

Bad planning

So I was supposed to have pizza for dinner but I managed to get out of it and had porridge in stead, so now I'm 200 kcal short for today. Currently shuffling apple and yoghurt into my mouth. 200 kcals worth. Ouff.

Aand I had to skip a workout to study. FML. But I'll work out twice as hard on Wednesday.

aaah omg sexy abs :D 

Some tips.

Keep. A. Food. Diary. 

It's not about how full you feel, it's about what and how much you eat! It's really, really important that you know what you put into yourself, that means reading ingredients and measuring how much you're eating. 

Mistake I've made -Watch out not to make them! 

-Only looking at kcal, not what's in it. It's not okay to replace food by empty kcal. 

-Waiting til the end of the day to fill in my food log. You forget things!

-Eating 3 meals and snacks - without reducing the portion sizes!

-Not waiting 20 minutes to give my body time to feel full. 

-Exercised to allow myself to eat more

-Starved

-Done things to reduce my appetite that were not good for my health

I loove the abs =) 

Slow start

I didn't even weigh today, because the last week has been so bad. I've been throwing up all the time pretty much, even healthy food.

Tomorrow I'm gonna start off eating safe foods.

Safe foods are:
Oatmeal, apples, low-fat milk, cottage cheese, low-fat plain yoghurt, hard bread, everything tomato (sauce, juice, soup), meat, chicken, egg whites.

Foods I almost always throw up:
Bread with butter, cheese, pizza (I only ever encounter home made), sugary cereal, cookies, cakes, dough or batter, ice cream, chocolate, nuts.

Foods that may trigger binge but are not dangerous in themselves:
 Big fruits like mango or pineapple, white bread/ready made sandwiches, unknown amounts of yoghurt (especially if with cereal), dried fruit.

Most critical point of day: After lunch-after dinner.

It's all in your head

 Do you also have that once piece of clothing that used to fit you loosely but now makes you feel like a sausage whenever you wear it?
I long for the day when my skinny jeans will be my baggy jeans.
You won't get there by eating cupcakes, you know ;)

Hot tip

Eat whatever every once in a while! Always controlling everything isn't healthy either. If you work out like a motherfcker you can have white bread for breakfast once a week. 

Just don't go too far the other way either... once a week is 1 time per week. 

Some day I'm gonna do a post on healthy breakfasts. 

Back from the gym

No matter how badly you performed at the gym, the fact that you went is empowering enough to stay healthy up until the next workout.

"God I really wish I hadn't worked out today" -Said no one ever.